Blog Moved!!

If by any infinitesimal chance you are following me here, I have two words for you "thank you thank you thank you thank you!". And thank you!

I'm moving though, please see updates at this link

www.thisismysadhana.wordpress.com

I hope you'll join me there!

Inertia

I need to write. I need to say something. Anything...

I cannot remember the last time I did my full practice. I miss it and need it and yet I struggle to get out of bed most mornings. is this depression, or inertia?

I'm not living the life I want. I want to travel, and write, and cook, and sail and practise and teach yoga and talk about sustainable life in all its forms, yet I feel stuck, like I'm doing what I'm supposed to do for my gender and age and to fit in among my contemporaries...is this cowardice or inertia?

I have a hard time feeling like i belong. I love my country, but feel i stand on the outside of my people, I'm different and I don't mind being so, but I mind this isolated feeling...tell me this will pass soon

I thirst for a partner, a companion, a man who will stand WITH me, honour me and love all OF me...do my dreams stand too tall?

I search for an expression of my spirituality. Converted Catholic. loves her rosary. sees Christ's love in ALL things. struggles with the Catholic church. Straight ally. Buddhist tendencies. Yoga devotee. knows that interfaith understanding is the only way...say that we can create this reality

My hip is tight, my knee injured and my ankle is sore...I long for the days of lotus without pain and standing up from a backbend through the fear - but I have to get back on the mat, don't I? what am i afraid of - is it success or failure?

I believe in awareness and activism and the ideas swirl in my head. Sustainable approaches to health, agriculture and entrepreneurship. Community. Environment. Social Policy. National and regional unity and integration....how do I deliver on my dreams?

This is an open letter. I am private, but I need help, this Libran swings too wildly on her scales, I need balance

I want to let go of fearing loss, so that I do NOT lose

help, please

swww

Watch this space

So much to say...and yet I struggle with the words. I'm been in a bit of a trough, as peaks and troughs go, I'm figuring it all...all I know is that I need to make space, in every sense of the expression. And I need to put right what I have done wrong.

I have much to tell of the Moon Circle and more...but i want to think about what I need to tell you.

Be back in a flash

SWWW

I'm a Greenie!!!

Shelly, a friend of mine from high school, has this amazing magazine that she prints and distributes FOR FREE in Jamaica on environmental awareness and activism...it and SHE are amazing...A few months ago, she honoured me as a GREENIE on her site...take a look-see

Greenies

enjoy!!

PS. I'm going to start a series of articles of activism in different ways in life, intermingled with all the other things I blather on about...it'll be geeky sometimes, silly other times, but I hope you find it fun!!!

love

swww

PPS. I'm the one at the bottom of the page ;)

Days 27 to 30 - an ending to endings

A good friend lost her fight with cancer tonight...I feel the loss so patently, and yet so much relief that there is no more pain for her now.

This is the end of a fight fought by one of the bravest souls I've been blessed to know, even as the cancer overtook her body and began to take her away from us, she never focused on it, she'd answer if you asked directly, but her disease didn't own her...her life was the ultimate expression of yoga, she "did" Life one moment at a time, as honestly as she could, though she guarded her privacy fiercely.

The last time we talked, before it became too difficult to do so, she taught me a Sanskrit chant "Anando Hum" which means quite simply "I am Bliss"...I had asked for a chant to give to a friend who also lost a relative to cancer, and this my friend gave me so freely (as she always did).

I called her my "Oracle at Delphi" for the wisdom and humility she taught me, for sharing with me that it was ok to just "be", to process the darkness, as well as enjoy the light. She told me of Noble Silence, pain as she had never known and how she saved up Yellow Skittles and Starburst for me because I told her I loved them so. All with the same breath and love.

Her transition comes not as an ending, but as a doorway to another place, another plane of existence; she has transcended this one, and though we will miss her, and shed tears...we must also celebrate. Think not that Death is an end to life; no, death is only the opposite of birth! LIFE has no end, she knew this, she lived it, and she has branded it forever in my heart.

Words fail me here, and so I will rely on those of another, John Donne, who wrote in words equally terse and profound:

Death be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not soe,
For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill mee.
From rest and sleepe, which but thy pictures bee,
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee doe goe,
Rest of their bones, and soules deliverie.
Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poyson, warre, and sicknesse dwell,
And poppie, or charmes can make us sleepe as well,
And better then thy stroake; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.

Death Be Not Proud

John Donne

This is my yoga as September becomes October, and as Yoga Month ends, and we return to the everyday yoga of life and the search for peace.

Always and ever love, my Oracle, I will dream of sunshine, labyrinths and yellow sweeties.

Anando hum.

swww

Day 26 - Upside Down

Tonight, I practiced jumping into handstand. Kicking up is one thing (and that's not even the way you're to approach the posture, known in Sanskrit as Adho Mukha Vrksasana - Downward Facing Tree Pose - thank you very much! - but I think I'm still a few moons from lifting into it - the subtle layering of the mula and uddiyana bandhas required for 'floating' are definitely a work in progress). It's not easy work: you must place your hands and build a strong foundation in your shoulder girdle, over which you spring the hips with just enough momentum that you catch your balance, but not too much or you topple over, you have to not be afraid TO topple over - you have to find BALANCE, and you have to be OK with FALLING...these are truths, you want balance? Learn to fall, and learn to like it ;)

But the larger lesson here isn't the mechanics of approaching Handstand (or any other inversion, for that matter)....it is what the asana represents, it is a powerful metaphor for change, or at least looking at things from a different angle. Let's look at it, shall we?

As I learned in my Asana Technique and Anatomy class, the body consists of three sections that we manipulate to understand balance. It's gonna get a little insect-science-geeky, but hear me out:

1. We have a head, the storage space for the brain, the origins of the spinal cord and most of our sense organs (save the integumentary system a.k.a. the skin) - believe it or not, this is the smallest of the three sections (though ALL of us know people that make us wonder...)
2. The ribcage (or "thorax" for the entomologically-minded) - an armor of bone that surrounds and protects the heart, lungs and the beginning of the gastro-intestinal tract - bigger than the head, and;
3. the pelvis (or "abdomen", if you're still with me on the insect trip) which contains more critical organs that I can even remember (the liver, kidneys, pancreas, gall bladder, reproductive organs - not to mention 8 metres of gut).

Of those 3, the pelvis is the key, "where you send the pelvis, the rest of the body follows" - and it's true. Normal human posture plants the head, as the lightest, over the ribcage, next lightest, on top of the heaviest, the pelvis. This creates the most stable structure, narrow over wide, light over heavy (think of the Great Pyramid, the tallest structures on the planet til the Eiffel Tower, and even THAT has the same basic plan), the body's nerves, blood vessels, muscles and their attachments all support this arrangement, hardwired into your DNA.

Now, here's the fun part...

Inversions ask that we reverse this finely-honed-over-millennia-of evolution configuration, and flip ourselves literally upside down. Truly, it is a scary prospect, wide-over-narrow, heavy-stacked-on-light, but it is possible, though not easy; to achieve this, we must have a sense of alignment and balance and an understand of the control of the energy flowing through our bodies. Yes, bandhas again (i need to devote several posts to this soon, i promise!)...but here's the cool metaphor-y part that you can grasp without even leaving the most comfortable spot in your bed, inversions ask you to change your perspective...isn't it simple? obvious much? But it's true, and deceptively profound in its simplicity, sometimes when you approach a situation in life, the straight-on, most familiar way may not always be the best one for you...just like you have to re-configure your body to achieve these challenging asanas, often you have to re-configure your mind also to find resolution and success when faced with less-than-ideal circumstances. It takes courage, discipline and determination and these are not easy things, but they are worthwhile.

Sometimes, when you just change the WAY you look at a thing, the thing itself changes. So...go ahead, change your attitude, or latitude, the way you approach an asana, a life-altering event, or something as quotidian or mundane as the route you drive to get to work in the mornings...I promise you, it WILL feel different and maybe the straight-on way is the way that works best for YOU...but at least you'll KNOW. ;)

long post (I was inspired tonight)

love

swww

Days 20-25 - I'm struggling

...to practice, to find energy, but I still try....prayer, teaching and asana and the angels I call friends are my medicine...but at night, I cannot sleep...I mean I CANNOT sleep, it doesn't matter how exhausted or drained I am (and I have been recently)...the silence of night crawls into my skull and taps away at me "what's up?? whatcha thinkin'? whatcha doin'? "....and I start to process: the day, the asana I did, what's happening with one of my yoga groups that I teach, am I too old to essentially start my life over the way I want to (more on this thought later)....I remember "vairagya"....I meditate sometimes, but sometimes I forget to keeping plugging away at the little steps I think I need to find peace...I'm bleary-eyed, tired and rambling (I hope I'm still eloquent though :) )

maybe a haiku before i try to turn my savant-genius brain to the "Off" position, if only for a moment

"i turn the lights off
in my head, the bulb still burns
inhale...exhale..."sigh"

swww