Days 7 to 9 - practice with a purpose

Each morning I go through a ritual of sorts to convince myself to get out of my comfortable bed and go practice on my mat....there are few things that make me feel more alive and aware than when I'm doing asana...but I won't lie to you, I'm no morning person.

I practice in the morning because it is the best time for me to do so (aside from the fact that you get the clean, cool morning air, your body is stronger and you benefit from having to stretch muscles that have stiffened up during the inertia of sleep) - I work a full-time day job and teach most evenings - but for me, the biggest challenge is getting out of that perfect spot in the bed, when the room is the perfect temperature, and all is good and wonderful in the universe. I have often wondered what that means "Am I really an undisciplined person underneath?" "Do I truly love what I do?" Believe me, I LOVE to practice, and 15 minutes into it, no matter how groggy I was when I awake or how many time I think "my bed is calling me back right now", I know for sure "This is where I'm meant to be, in this very moment"

I say all of this to say that we don't always have the reason that we practice in sharp and clear focus, sometimes just to practice IS the reason. This is particularly true when you hit a point when a posture isn't "working" for you; though the most immediate response may, borne of frustration, be "I don't want to do this", push through anyway, give it your best love and attention in that moment, but try not to tie your own worth as a human being to it. Making yoga a sustainable part of your life means two things and the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali (on of THE foremost treatises on the philosophy of yoga) says it best:

1. Practice (abhyasa) - means having the attitude of persistence to find peace in the practice, practice must be done consistently and over a long period of time in order for the practitioner to reap its ripest fruit. This means you have to get up and try, even when the bed seems a better option but it also means that you should have a sustainable relationship with your practice, guilt and resentment have no place here. At the same time, your practice shouldn't be, as Kino put it, "this all-or-nothing thing that you feel you have to do". Assess who you are and what you feel like each day, do your very honest best and then let go of your expectation of what you think that practice should be, which leads me to:
2. Non-attachment (vairagya) - the ability to let go of any attachments, fears, desires and delusions you might have about the practice and why you do it. This means that for however long you're on the mat, make the effort to suspend you ego, certainly the part of it that says "I did this yesterday, why can't I now?" or "I should be able to do this by now" and just enjoy what it is that you do. Come to your mat with no pre-conceived notions of yourself, begin with the breath and end with the breath.
   

I wanted to share these two principles because they underscore why I love yoga so much, and because I have dedicated my practice to a woman who gave her final breath on Wednesday night, having spent so much time in the service and love of others. She was sweet, giving and quite frankly, extraordinary. She will be missed. I will love and remember her always. RIP Aunty G.

We come into this life on an inhale and leave it on an exhale, but rarely do we pay attention to the breaths between. When we apply the discipline of practice with the ease of non-attachment, we find that our practice can soar to its highest height and plumb its greatest depth. On the days when you have doubt, fear and guilt, remember this, and let THAT be your purpose

with love

SWWW

Day 6 - This is harder than you think

What do you do on the days that you just don't wanna talk about it? Today, I'm sad for a family member of a very close friend (a tremendous soul) and my yoga is to breath for her, to breath in hope and acceptance, and to breathe out anger, denial and fear...this is more important to me than any asana...so tomorrow's practice is for her, for peace, for miracles... I leave you tonight with a chant I'm saying for her, added to my prayers.

this for for you, G., you are loved

Om asato maa sadgamaya, tamaso maa jyotir gamaya, Mrityormam ritam gamaya
Om shanti shanti shantihi

From untruth, lead us to truth. From ignorance, lead us to wisdom. From death, lead us to immortality.
Om peace peace peace.”

more tomorrow!

SWWW

Day 5 - Simon and Garfunkel were right

Today I did Sun Salutations, all the Standing Postures all the way to Marichyasana A before my left knee requested a reprieve. Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana - (that's 'Half Lotus Standing Forward Bend' for the uninitiated) on the left is still not ready to be safely manifested in this body of mine so I did Tree Pose and counted out the breath

And guess what, people? Something else changed in my practice. Sometimes that happens, you can go days, weeks, even months and you feel like "why am I even DOING this? I don't FEEL any different, nor more enlightened than last Tuesday" and then all of a sudden, you're seeing all these new things coming at you....I intentionally went slower in each asana, particularly the left side, to assess what was happening and how it impacted my hip and knee - I actually did Ardha Baddha Padma Paschimatanasana (the seated cousin of the posture I described above) TWICE, and by slowing down, was able to adjust the alignment just a little bit, and suddenly I felt the pose in my hip again (where it belongs, I might add) and significantly less in my knee...brilliant!

Another thing, I could jump through more smoothly and picking up to jump back, I could swing back and place my toe behind me the way my teacher taught me (if you're wondering what that looks like, look for 'Kino Macgregor jumping back from Padmasana' on Youtube, the woman is simply all kinds of wonderful and amazing), suddenly the 'impossible' things that I had placed aside to 'learn in my own time' were easier to imagine in my body than ever before, and all because I slowed down.

Anyone who knows me knows that I move fast, I walk fast (well, with 44" inches from hip to toe, I can't help it ;) , talk fast, type fast and I practise fast. I could finish Full Primary plus finishing AND Savasana in just under 90 minutes....I don't say this to boast or vaunt myself, but practising quickly was both the result of a shorter breath (asthma-related) and the need to be done early in the mornings before work...even adding postures from Second Series and doing more back-bends took me to 1hr50 TOPS....so this practice was different, I made each moment stretch out, I paused, contemplated and noticed my breath in a new way....Amazing, all the fundamental, subtle little things that pop into your consciousness when you take your time..."Slow down, you move too fast, you got to make the moment last..." that's what Simon and Garfunkel said, right?

There is a tendency in our world nowadays to move at lightning-speed, to get things done to get to the next 'thing to do'...but listen, the yoga practice offers us an alternative, it says "Hey, slow down, and study yourself for a moment, what are you looking for?"

When you have an injury or a perhaps a setback in life, maybe there's an opportunity to re-assess yourself, to see inside, to what's real...and here's the thing, the thesis of the evening, the point (maybe) to my meandering scribble of thoughts, the REAL is the breath, your soul, the animus inside you; the body is but a shell, a vehicle, a laboratory, it's the part that IS ephemeral...we are more than the sum of our knees, hips, shoulders and lower backs. But we need the vehicle to have this life...like one of my teachers, Sharon says, we are "spiritual beings having a human experience". So treat your body well, and listen to it.

When I got to Marichyasana A today and was able to ground myself through BOTH hips, I could FEEL the posture in a different way....it was deep, it was different and I know why...and I was "feeeelin' groooovy"

more tomorrow!

SWWW

Day 4

I didn't do much today....some seated hip openers. Pigeon and Double Pigeon, both ouches for my left hip. When oh when will my knee stop hurting so?

Forgive me for being pithy, I'm processing a disappointment and I'm not even quite sure WHY I'm disappointed in the first place. Ponder ponder....

I PROMISE to be more wordy (and practice-y) tomorrow!!

SWWW

Day 3 - Were you worried?

SWWW here, did you guys think I wasn't going to blog today, or even worse, that I wasn't going to practise today (gasp!)? Well, here i am! (fanfare)

OK, typically Ashtangis would do their practice as far as they are taught from Sunday through Thursday (I was given the first five postures of Second or Intermediate series - don't let that term 'intermediate' fool you - by my teacher Kino) and then on Fridays we do Primary Series only. It's a way to wind the body down before the rest day on Saturday. I think it's brilliant, and so do my very sore muscles on a Friday morning.

BUT, since I managed to injure myself by pushing too hard (Type-A much?), I've wanted to transition back into 'full-on' mode slowly, patiently testing my hip and knee for what is possible right and what simply is not. It is a humbling thing, pain, particularly when you SAW it coming...I knew my knee was twinging, but pushed right past it anyway...tough pill for my ego to swallow BUT I know coming out of this injury I will have some greater understanding of the whole hip-knee-ankle connection and how subtle yet powerful it all is. And it is.

So....I took a Guided Vinyasa class tonight - that's why my entry today is so late, but you know what they say... :) - with Donovan, a powerful Ashtanga/Vinyasa teacher whom I sometimes sub for and who's filled with such faith and power, it's staggering. So Donovan knows I had a wonky left hip and, God love him, gave us an amazing mélange of twists and hip openers that were SO deep, I almost fainted from the joy of it.

Let me just say this, if yoga is FOOD, then hip openers are that favourite comforting dish when you've had simply the worst day, they're NOT easy, they take TIME, but they give you SO much in the end. After Sun Salutations (with a twist, of course, if you know Donovan, you'll understand me perfectly) and standing forward bends, he gave us Lizard Pose (I've never know the Sanskrit to this, or if there IS a Sanskrit name for it) and yummy Pigeon Pose (Eka Pada Rajakapotasana) and Mermaid Pose (see Lizard Pose)...and then Supta Hasta Padangusthasana (reclining hand-to-big-toe pose)...and then, oh my gosh people, and then....wait for it....Happy Baby pose!!!

If you've never done happy baby pose, I weep for you (well, not really). But get on the floor and try it now, go, lie on your backs and bend your knees, grabbing your big toes and drawing your knees down to the floor while trying to keep your lower back still on the floor. Go on, try, I promise, no one's watching, or if they are, they're jealous of you right now. Ever seen an infant do it (usually just before they stuff their toes into their mouths - babies are too cool)? Don't they look...HAPPY?

And it made me think "child-like", this practice brings you back to a state of innocence almost, using the breath to calm you, to let go of what you think and surrender to what you feel. Surrender, and goodness, did it feel good!

On the mat, it pays to be like a child, always exploring and questioning, but always true about how it makes you FEEL. Yoga should always leave you feeling good, and tonight, it did just that.

more tomorrow!
SWWW

Day 2 - Easier than yesterday

OK, today I made it through the Sun Salutations, the Standing Postures, and stopped at Paschimatanasana B...I'm deliberately starting back slowly, and it's amazing to me how quickly the body responds to what you give it...the body is tremendously honest, isn't it?

Our minds certainly can lie to us, but you can't put one over on your knee, or back or tight left hip. You can tell yourself "I NEED that pair of skyscraper heels" or even "I can't live without (insert your latest obsession here)" (mine is "True Blood"), but when my left knee screamed "STOP!!!" when I tried to do a deeper Pigeon pose on my left side before my practice, I got the message clearly.

Another thing I noticed was how much easier practice today was than yesterday, somehow my breath seemed fuller, deeper; my gaze at each dristi felt sharper, the postures almost seemed to drift away (except Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana - my left knee cried - I did Vrkasana -Tree Pose - instead), there was a joyful ache in my left hip as I moved into Parsvakonasana - Side Angle Pose - on that side. I thought "Connection! maybe this is the way to get into my hip deeper so that I can free my knee of pain"

The deep lesson of this practice, and, I think, yoga on a greater scale, is to be very present in each moment, measure your practice and your life with the breath, but don't be measured BY it.

More tomorrow!

SWWW

Day 1

Starting back all over again...my body is so sore and tight, my hamstrings yelled "why ever did you stop practising?" every time I did a forward bend....and mercy, did I EVER feel that left hip - I've decided to rebuild my endurance slowly, so today was just Sun Salutation and the first two forward bends of the Standing Postures....I'm adding MUCH more tomorrow!